one late::evening
one evening, late, the clock was stuck on 2:00 a.m for ages...she broke the silence:- would you cry if i died?- i would be very sad- why?- i don't know- why?...- ... because i loved you, once- and now?- i don't know- what if you don't love me anymore?- i would have known...[...]later that same evening...- you can't die now- why?- some people might get hurt, if you do- some people are hurt when i'm here...
con::fusion
:the disturbance of consciousness characterized by inability to engage in orderly thought or by lack of power to distinguish, choose, or act decisively
have you ever been in a situation where you needed something so badly,
it happens
you get confused
why did it occur, just now
was i to blame
was i to blame anyone
how should i act
how should i react
it is really confusing...
it's really hard to choose, to decide
how could i have changed it
i needed it
i knew back then
now i don't
i guess i need help
i guess no one can help
maybe someone needs me
i need someone who doesn't need me
something is required and wanted ...
now received ...
great big mess!
necessityneedrejectioncould you help me ... will you die for me the flat is smalldarkcolddamplonely...i need something more than that confused.theend::
she should::act fast
she sat alone thinking ... wondering
someone might be right she knows it can't admit it
why is she still holding on
she is loosing everything elsealready lost a lotcan't lose anymore
why is she still holding on
is it worth it all...she cheats on herself for what good reason?
why is she still holding on
she wonders ...only she has the answers she should act...now(i think that there's still time)
...like now
God i miss her
look at her ...
have you ever seen anyone with such a smile
a smile that would veil the daylight break...
a laugh that sounds like a lullaby in clear starry night
she has that look in her eyes...
a look that would pierce your deepest thoughts
penetrate your inner soul and leave it eager for more
...
i do miss her
sometimes
very rarely
like now.
a trip down memory lane...
i was out on the highway for a while
it feels good man...
wind blowing in your face,
rain trying to blind you
music out loud
then everything starts to go faster
lights flashing
... blurry
you feel heavy...
mesmerized
nothing to see but this white dot
in front of you
growing and
...growing.
you go in!
swiiiishhhhh !!!
what was that ??
i suddenly find myself sitting here
i hear my thoughts
i see myself from the outside
what is he doing ?
hey! you, down there ...
stop it
she's dragging you back again
remember what happened before
…
and after some countless minutes
that seemed like tiny seconds
it all disappears
i’m back aloneback inside
on the highway
on my way home …
that was a nice trip
and it felt really good too.
lament for my hair
today, i cut my hair.
let us all join now and lament for my hair
i've been growing it for more than a year
it's not the longest time
... but i needed to change
it should be part of the whole change i'm living
like all of this was planned earlier
like a huge cosmic energy gathered to make a bigger change in the universe
and it hit me somehow
affected my whole being and surroundings
changed me ...
anyway, i cut it,
so what ...
what's the big deal ...
it's only hair after all
but it meant to me.
.:deception
tonight i had a bad encounternot sure about it... but it fucked up my eveningi was dissapointed ...couldn't believe that i knew that person really welli was chocked to see it act like thisi was away for a long time and out of nothing it really hit me, changed my whole point of viewit shouldn't have been this way that's not the way you said it would be you know how small things could create and affect future outcomes ...well someone must bear those consequences and that's not me anymore
s peak to me
wouldn't you like to know... ... how she feltI wouldwould she have cried would she have stayed would she have waited - she never waited before, why would she, nowI guess you will never know- if only she'd speak to me...
